Now, that I have opened up about being a victim of Domestic Violence from two different intimate relationships. I have to say what I have recently noticed. Not to mention this has always been one if not the biggest fear I have ever had. That simply my child(ren) would …. well let me explain.
So while watching my lil play with some kids, I noticed a very key factor repeating it’s self. That I know I have only myself to blame for it. That is, as all children play and some times get ruff it’s normal. I can not begin to tell you how normal it is, in fact if they didn’t that I would be worried. But my concern is in my lil’s response or reaction to this. For example;
While playing toy cars with another child, a disagreement over who was going to play with a particulate toy fire truck. When the other child got mad, and threw the wooden toy fire truck at my lil and hitting her in the head. [first, you must understand this is normal. Children must and need to learn how to handle disagreements between themselves.] Crying and tears in her eyes I approached the two kids, I asked what had happened. Allowing for them to explain or defend themselves and their actions. I have to admit at this age, any child guilty of doing something they know was wrong, like hitting another child with a toy all have the same body language and even same variation of facial expression. By this I am talking, an instant semi-frozen posture that is firm and ridge like a wood plank, unable to move even a small part with out moving the whole plank. That softens by the presences of an adult, that than melts to a mushy posture. This melt comes from the child own conciseness of knowing they do not have to hold their ground any more and they feel bad for hurting another child, their friend.
Now typically the child who threw the toy is punished thus sending them back to a semi-hard but still movable mushy posture. THIS IS NORMAL! I can not stress to you, I am not picking on any kid. I am simply pointing out the facts.
MY CONCERN; my lil having seen me go through domestic violence, is not at all concerned about herself, she sat there rubbing her head and crying. She than makes a farting with your tong out almost spitting action and shakes or turns here head from side to side very quickly as to demonstrate “shake it off. Erase what just happened, buck up and move on.” I can not explain to you how bad it hurts my heart to see my lil do this. Why semi-cute it is, but the truth behind why she does that is simple. She has seen me be hit, and other stuff numerous times. And on several occasions when law enforcement was called, she seen exactly how they responded to her mommy’s pain inflicted by someone who was apart of her family. There for resulting in copy cat behavior as mine has been several time to buck up and keep on moving forward. Granted her’s being shown through simple things such as the shaking or turning of the head.
Even when asked if she was OK she says yes, in fact she said “yes” as she was standing to go follow her friend. To keep playing as if nothing had happened. All while still tears falling down her cheek. I stopped her explaining that the child couldn’t play any more maybe the next day, and trying to pick her up to comfort her. As in hopes of showing her, it’s okay to be upset. That I know that had hurt physically and emotionally. Why it may be part of kids building social skills, they still have feelings. That it is okay to have feelings and not to hide them. Unfortunately she wanted little to do with the comforting I was offering she rather just move on.
So as heartbroken as watching my lil do this, it leaves that uncomfortable uneasy feeling in my gut. The one that, at the times I have had the same response as my lil did and did just the same shrugging it off and pushing forward. Was all I could do and the best I could do at the time all in one. That I hope that places like where my lil goes to daycare are hiring teachers and workers that are aware and paying attention like I do. As to help other children like my lil learn they do not need to shrug it off. This is definitely something I will be focusing on with my lil.
I am going to start going over feelings and emotions today with my lil. Work on that will begin.