THIS POST REFEREES TO AND TALKS ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. AS WELL AS THINGS AND SITUATIONS THAT HAPPENED YEARS AND YEARS AGO.
This evening I watched her as she played with another girl at daycare. She has in the last couple of weeks made a giant leap to very aggressive when interacting with people. In fact, last time K and G had stayed the night, she played by herself after something. Which, has been a HUGE fear of mine. K never witnessed her biological father physically assault me. G did. Being a girl myself and the oldest too, I have always been more than aware of just how K would perceive things. That there was nothing I or anyone could do about it. However even if G wasn’t aware of it, subconsciously he was. Thus I believe fueling a fair majority of his temper and view of the world.
K and G have majority of time spent with my parents, there for I know from personal experience how that was. I am absolutely a none violent person. I did not grow up even aware that people struck out, or hurt another human. That, both lil and G having witnessed me being the victim of domestic violence at such a young age. When their world consists of mom. We are their whole worlds. Than as they got a little older, they witnessed how the world and people close to me and them treated me.
A child knows, mom. She is a childs soul provider and entire world. That a child who witnesses physical harm to their mother young, is very confused subconsciously. To than have more wrongful actions by those things or systems set up to protect or help their mother. I believe causes behavior, and emotionally manipulating, character-like attributes that lil and G both demonstrate. Where as, K who never physically witnessed physical harm to me until an older age. And than the one time, he did actually in front of K played it all off making a joke out of it and making me look as the stupid or dumb idiot. Thus to this day they both laugh at me when remembering that time. Now, I can just shrug it off. Though it took me many years to be able to do only that, just shrug it off.