I wrote this to my ‘abuser’* ;
I still don’t have a man or a friend I can honestly say I trust like I tried to with you against my gut. [Now I simply want one that has my back and would stick up for me against ill]
When in fact these days the most comfort and support I get feels is only when I have gone to my local Community DSHS Office or with Lil’s teacher.
Even though the actual Domestic Violence incidents happened some time ago. The truth is we the survivors still very much deal with it every single day.
I want you to know, even though you will never understand how it feels. My lil who witnessed all you did, now when unable to communicate her own feelings reacts in the very way she saw you treat me. When she couldn’t scream, call for help, for someone to stop this hurting of her mom. Now years later when overwhelmed by emotions, those memories stored in her subconscious is what she does.
So why it may not be you physically hurting me any more, it is your actions stored in her memory for a life time that is hurting me just the same. Only it’s from the very person I protected above all else my child.
I know you will never completely understand this and how already having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from prior Domestic Violence and trauma could feel now to only be combined with this. However I want you to know, as a human you have forever affected and changed our life’s. In a way that we still very much deal with every single day.