I wrote this to my ‘abuser’* ;
I still don’t have a man or a friend I can honestly say I trust like I tried to with you against my gut. [Now I simply want one that has my back and would stick up for me against ill]
When in fact these days the most comfort and support I get feels is only when I have gone to my local Community DSHS Office or with Lil’s teacher.
Even though the actual Domestic Violence incidents happened some time ago. The truth is we the survivors still very much deal with it every single day.
I want you to know, even though you will never understand how it feels. My lil who witnessed all you did, now when unable to communicate her own feelings reacts in the very way she saw you treat me. When she couldn’t scream, call for help, for someone to stop this hurting of her mom. Now years later when overwhelmed by emotions, those memories stored in her subconscious is what she does.
So why it may not be you physically hurting me any more, it is your actions stored in her memory for a life time that is hurting me just the same. Only it’s from the very person I protected above all else my child.
I know you will never completely understand this and how already having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from prior Domestic Violence and trauma could feel now to only be combined with this. However I want you to know, as a human you have forever affected and changed our life’s. In a way that we still very much deal with every single day.
MY ORIGINAL INTENT WITH THIS POST, WAS TO ADDRESS MY CONCERN THAT MY DAUGHTER TREATS ME ONE WAY IN PUBLIC AND COMPLETLY DIFFERENT WHEN NO ONE IS AROUND. NOT LIKE A CHILD THAT IS SPOILED EITHER. A SPOILED CHILD WOULDNT SAY, TREAT, AND VIEW A PARENT AS MY DAUGHTER DOES. thanks.
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While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.
Now as a parent, I know what I would like and hope for my child’s views to be. I do my very best to constantly keep our environment one that she is able to build those views in. I check and review my child’s school work she brings home if not every day than every other. Writing the date every so often on her papers, before placing them in the ‘big box‘ [I save it all, until the day I feel I can safely go through and keep the “keepsake” want to have for whatever reason ones. and than dispose of the large amount of daily work.(I have literally saved everything from painting with hands and feet at about year and 4 months to current and will continue) I know no matter what it’s prof should ever be a question in any way about her or I. that’s all I will say.]
Basically to ever think I just exists in my child(ren)s life is simply incorrect. I am very active and involved in it. it’s hard having finally escaped from an abuser, give birth to my daughter. Only to end up with another abuser and finally another domestic violence thing. I can’t begin to share the mental and emotional … simply it’s a lot, it’s hard, and this is not the post for it.
What I can tell you, now after some time my daughter has and displays characteristics of an abuser. That one sentence or statement, fact is absolutely the second hardest thing I have ever had to say, do, and come to terms with. It absolutely breaks my heart, scares me, disgusts me, and yet I completely blame myself. objectively speaking as a survivor the emotions I feel from it only confirm it that much more. Making a negative in my personal life be a positive in my parental life, I am able to objectively look and approach [only once my personal emotions are calmed/balanced enough for me to] her. unfortunately with it directed towards me, it does no good. I don’t want it to be something she blames on herself. once again trying to make a negative be a positive now, every thing I have learned has taught me this. having being held at fault for something when really it wasn’t. is why I am so driven to ensure she has successes in life every step of the way, the paths she will and does pick.
To me, that’s unconditional tuff love. Something I feel I am very blessed having been raised with. against all odds, comments, and opinions (personal and not) my parents did.
I need to clarify that the type of abuser I am speaking of are in terms of domestic violence.